After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
