considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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