That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
