Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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