Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
