well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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