I can text with my tongue
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
