i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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