whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the condom got lost in my hair
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
