We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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