I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
