Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
