twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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