He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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