Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
