God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
