Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
