his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
