my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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