Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
