I think I sprained my soul last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
