Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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