It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
