No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
