You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You may now shotgun with the bride
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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