Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize