Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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