my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
