I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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