Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
