it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
