Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
