I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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