Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
