I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
