I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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