he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
