I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sober January is a disaster.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
