i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
