new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
