But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
