just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
