i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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