Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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