genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
