I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
