so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
