Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
