So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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