The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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