have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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