Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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