I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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