I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
