I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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