Where did you get a picture of my penis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
