you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
