I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
