best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
