yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
