im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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