respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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