I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize