Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
