the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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