I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
