I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
