I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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