Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
