Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
