you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
