fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
