I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
